In my Chakra Flow class today we focused on the crown chakra. A big part of being able to welcome in this higher self knowledge and awareness, is being able to connect to our roots. Our roots are what allow us to release.
We have to release, in order to receive.
Our systems have to have capacity and space and openness for the higher self downloads to come through. AND we also have to be in connection with our lower self, our body, our human needs. If we are only focused on the higher self, and out of touch with reality and what’s real, we cannot actually manifest (make real) the info that comes through.
I have often thought that my mission in life is to help people bridge that gap. To bring the people so ethereal and whimsical and always thinking of what could be, back to reality, balanced with what is. And to bring the people so stuck in the material, what is world, into the place of possibility and spaciousness and potential.
If we get stuck in the higher chakras, we tend to ignore things like paying bills, tending to our human body, we can be really self centered and idealist. If we get stuck in the lower chakras, and don’t spend anytime connecting to source, life can feel blah and boring and monotonous, just doing the same thing day in day out. It can also feel really heavy to be so bogged down by the realities of the world. We need both!
I think this is one of my gifts, because my soul’s energy is actually pretty balanced in my masculine and feminine. It’s pictured at the end of this in the akashic record soul’s blueprint I had done a few years ago, that was so powerful for me, I got it turned into a tattoo of energetic protection!
Lately this has been presenting in my life in a new way, that totally fascinates me: self abandonment and self trust.
Through all the nervous system deep dives and journeys I’ve been doing lately, I’ve been diving deep into the places inside of me that I hid, because I was ashamed of them. This wasn’t usually conscious, I’ve done enough inner work to generally hold good space for and accept myself.
It’s a whole other level when we tap into the subconscious places we’re storing past trauma. Big T trauma are things more along the lines of going to war, sexual trauma, food scarcity, etc. But here’s the thing, little t trauma is still trauma.
Anytime someone said something mean to us, bullied us, essentially made us feel like we should be ashamed of some part of us or our actions. We all know those tender places that have been hit throughout our lives.
In this nervous system work, I’ve realized how many of those places were still there, I was just so used to ignoring them that I didn’t even realize how much they were still driving my present day reality.
The way this tends to show up is in self abandonment. Our brain learns that those ‘shameful’ places meant we might lose what our nervous system prioritizes most – being in connection with others (especially any main caregivers). So we hide them lock them away, pretend they don’t exist. The brain is really smart like that. It likes to take the path of least resistance.
But what that leads to over time is self sabotage. That trauma is still in the body, and it is doing what it thinks is keeping us safe, but is actually keeping our daily actions out of alignment with our highest desires and goals.
Fascinating, right?
Ever wondered why you have a grand idea for yourself, but never actually end up following through on it, no matter how much you want it?
From getting finances in order, to showing up for a potential new relationship, to pushing others away when all you most want is connection, to wanting to eat more supportive to your body but stopping through the drive through anyways. To wanting to drink less, but popping open that bottle of wine every night anyways. To always wanting to travel to a certain majestic place, but then never actually going.
This is all nervous system work. We have to train our brain that it’s safe and okay to do differently than what we’ve done before. It’s not actually about willpower.
And it’s definitely not about full restriction. As soon as the brain thinks it’s restricted from something, it goes back to primitive scarcity mode and all it wants is that thing.
It’s about feeling safe enough in our system to have new ways to create new neural pathways. Essentially training the brain for new outcomes. ESPECIALLY when we’re triggered, and want to lean on all our old ways, that’s where the real work and magic happens.
When we start to make different choices, when we actually follow through on the actions that we know deep down our best for us – we start to build SELF TRUST.
Which is the oppossite of self abandonment in so many ways.
When we love only the parts of ourselves we deem ‘good’, ‘presentable’, the parts of you you’ve never been shamed for, we self abandon.
When we have the capacity to fully be present and loving towards all parts of ourselves, we start to learn self trust.
And then making the more aligned decision actually feels so much easier.
I am deeply in this work right now. It’s no small thing, but damn is it freeeeeing. I no longer want to hide parts of myself, I want to free them. I’m not ashamed of my story, I’m reveling in it.
We have to retell (counseling is great for this), then rewire (create the new neural pathways), then reintegrate (choose those new pathways amidst when our body most craves the security of what we’ve known before and we’re coming up against our triggers).
I’m doing this in so many ways personally (from somatic counseling to a 4 month foundational detox to daily nervous system work, to noticing my triggers and choosing different methods of being with them, to microdosing and much more).
It’s also adjusting how I am approaching the work I do and creating a new element in my retreats in offerings. I feel like this huge veil has been lifted and I’m seeing everythiing differently now – and it’s applied to both they physical (lower chakras) and etheral (upper chakras) – as anything sustainable needs to be!
If this at all intrigues you, I poured all of this into my new book! I really am so proud of what I’ve created and am sharing with the world through this powerful reclamation of our time, nervous system, energy and being.
And to be totally transparent, it’s also a big part of my work!
I’ll share more soon on the 5 Soul Wounds I also learned about recently. My biggest one is humiliation. I felt humiliated about parts of my self when I was younger. So now that presents as – as soon as I do something that feels vulnerable or scary, or I really put myself out there – I downplay it.
I tell myself it’s not good, it’s embarrassing. Seriously! When I first offered a new retreat, I did this. And when I launched my new ebook, I absolutely did this! I told myself ‘who would buy this?’ ‘The name is embarrassing’ (oh how my brain will agonize over things like names for my offerings in the middle of the night), ‘no one’s going to want this’.
In the light of day, I know none of that is true. I deeply value what I offer and put into the world, but that doesn’t mean it’s not scary or vulnerable in the beginning (again, because we want to feel safe through connection and rejection is the opposite of that).
And now that I can so clearly see this as my humiliation wound – it’s changed so much. With this wound, essentially I try to ‘humiliate’ myself first, before anyone else can. I think all the worst things I can. So that my system feels prepared. And then that of course leads to creating a reality that doesn’t feel good and we perpetually manifest our big fears.
So when I released this book, and all of this happened (because from a totally honest place, every time I share and put my heart and soul into something for all of you, it’s usually where I feel most vulnerable). But instead of falling backwards, I did all the practices to keep my system regulated and feeling safe. And it has already changed so much. If something bothers me, I say ‘no bother’ and hold true to my intentions, desires and reality. Instead of downward spiraling.
The amount of safety I feel within, through addressing those wounds, has felt completely transformative. I am fired up about it all! And also so calm and relaxed about it too. The perfect sweet spot.
It takes constant work (and I’m definitely doing the work daily), but honestly that work is now feeling like a joy and an anchor instead of using tremendous willpower (I explain how to harness this in my book too, and it all starts with very small, manageable steps!).
I’d really love if you:
-feel at all curious or inspired by this if you get the book and start the journey with me!
-share with me in the comments below what resonates so I can know what to share more of! Or feel free to email me hi@jessicaenergy.com
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