I used to loathe my body.
I wanted nothing to do with it, and hid it at any chance I got. I was told it wasn’t what society accepted. Be skinny, be frail, don’t have too big an appetite, don’t be too strong & make men feel weak, be demure, keep the peace, smile.
I also think I was afraid of its power.
So no surprise that in my teenage years when I first turned to alcohol, it enabled me the permission to be confident in a way that my waking self wouldn’t dare. I lost inhibitions, I acted way more confidently. I could command a room with my big energy.
But unfortunately it still felt a bit empty, and of course also came at its own cost. I was getting reactions and feeling desired, but it was always all about the other person. Flirting to make them feel good about themselves, making sure what I was doing was pleasing or teasing to them.
It honestly took me diving deep into a yoga practice to really start to navigate my landscape from within, and to actually prioritize my needs, my energy, my desires. It changed everything, to go from ‘how do I look in my body’ to ‘how do I feel in my body?” From “what would they like from me?”, to “what would I like for myself.”
As I closed my eyes and went inward into the often uncomfortable pieces and places of myself that I had been hiding (and that require stillness), I started to own my space a lot more.
My interactions became a lot more equal, a lot more of me claiming what I want, voicing my truths, and feeling into receiving. What does pleasure for me even feel like in my body? I think it’s something we often have to really ask ourselves, which gets especially tricky as soon as anyone else gets involved.
How hard it has become to receive as a woman. We’ve taken on such a masculine role of always giving, giving, giving. And it has left us so depleted, undernourished, and ashamed of anything akin to softening, which is truly where the real magic happens. Where we can surrender, become supple, receive. Where we feel explosive with our desires, joy, purpose and true contentment.
When I started living more from the inside out, it was imperative to me to surround myself with people who gave to me as much as I was willing to give to them, which comes so naturally for so many women.
After almost 2 decades now of self exploration through practicing yoga, deep dives into the energy body, learning what it is to transition to mother and the upheavals and bliss of having a child, being in a committed relationship that allows me to go deep, practicing tantra, and supporting hundreds of women through the ups and downs of life, I’ve learned a lot about female turn on.
And let me tell you, we all need more of it!
We need to be in spaces with other women, so that the drain of being an energy sensitive woman (that we all are underneath) becomes more bearable.
We need to know how to turn off our masculine, rigidity, scheduling, being in a constant cycle of expectation that demands more energy output than we have to give. [Many of these musings came from listening to the Fully Nourished Podcast by Jessica Ash, I highly recommend you give it a listen.]
So how do we stop that? How do we transition into softness? Into ecstasy? Into feeling safe, protected, held, nourished and deeply loved during our most vulnerable times? How do we learn to experience our bodies from within, give them space to release stress and tension, notice what’s robbing us of our energy, and rebuild from the base up? Feel supported in stillness instead of frantic?
To me, it’s a process that starts within and that we must all do first for ourselves. It takes rebuilding a foundation that is sustainable – understanding what feels most nourishing to you. FUELing yourself enough to have the energy to go through the massive transitions and magic that is being a woman & having cycles (even if you’re not menstruating)
- Breath – the gateway and translator from the physical to all the deeper parts of ourselves
- Cacao – this plant represents all things sacred feminine – from its mineral content to its essence, it heals woman on all the levels possible
- Sacred experiences – time in nature to transmute, rather than numb out, spiritual journeys, dropping into the present, time with other women
- Daily stress relief practices – ayurveda, meditation, yoga, mindful movement, grounding
- Seasonal or annual major energy recharges – retreats, solo time away from the noise, busy and day to day to go deep within and get to know your most current self, time in sacred spaces and land
- Therapy, whether talk or somatic – to start to learn how to really notice, address and voice your needs and find release especially through our mental and physical holding patterns and self sabotage
- Nourishment – protein, healthy fats, eating enough, mineral rich teas and broths, breakfast before coffee, feeding yourself (even before your kids), good & restful sleep
- Healthy Touch – often we receive most easily from other women, so start there through massage or a great hug from a friend (20 seconds+)
- Healthy boundaries – so that your system learns to trust itself again and isn’t wasting energy constantly enforcing or being ignored
People might want to know how to have a breathgasm, or a cervical orgasm, when they think about pleasure, because we like an end goal. And those things are all possible. But only when we have spent time cultivating a vessel that is brimming with energetic potential. And once we do, those just became a part of a life that is full of every day turn on.
And these things certainly aren’t found when we’re still living outside ourselves – caring more if we can keep up with masculine cycles of energy output (which is impossible and always comes at an expense – usually to our turn on and energy levels); experiencing our body based on what other people may perceive of it versus how you feel inside your skin. And it’s definitely not focusing more on pleasing others than pleasing yourself.
I’ve worked with so many women even in just the last 6 months, as this has really started to come forth with me, who have said they never expected to want to be turned on in their lives again. That they want to feel sensual, for their senses to come alive again, that they could release the energy of their old relationships and feel a reclamation of their femininity. It is astounding to behold.
It usually takes working with them to address first the biggest energy drains in their lives.
We can move or eat in a certain way, but if our life is constantly pulling us back into fight or flight, we’ll never be able to make lasting progress in coming back home to ourselves.
As we work on that, we start to work on releasing old held tensions, creating space in the body, and renourishing through food, herbs, stress relief, plant medicine.
We get clear on how boundaries feel in our body and how to use our body to be our biggest advocate, healer and communication system. We start to understand its messages with way more clarity and ease, and have the tools, space and boldness to move forward with them.
Then, we start to unlock our pleasure.
Whether or not kids are, have been, or will ever be in the picture for you, let’s understand how libido and fertility are connected to this. If our body does not feel safe or harmonious, it will most likely not want to reproduce and bring a baby into that landscape. It knows it will take too much energy from us on top of an already loaded system, and we will suffer.
And since libido is in its essence tied to fertility, we need to create safe, fertile ground within. We need to be secure and relaxed enough to be supple, to fully receive, and to experience deep feelings, whether it be the deepest pleasure or despair. If we can’t hold space for ourselves to process these deep emotions, we limit ourselves. The more we block out the pain, the more we block out the pleasure. So for feelings of total ease and juiciness, we have to know how to start appreciating all emotions as valid and learn how to let them flow through us, instead of blocking or barely holding on. That’s what truly opens us up.
Some people may decide none of this is of much importance to them. But if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you want to be turned on by and in your life again.
You want to feel juicy, full, feminine, appreciate your appetite in all things, and be able to quench that hunger.
And if you’re feeling hard on yourself, here, it’s not your fault. We have asked for equal rights, but we function differently from men. We deserve absolutely equal rights, but we will not be fully revered and honored as woman until we are provided equal rights, and space to actually embody what it is to be a woman – cycling, soft, encouraged to rest, embraced in sisterhood, and honored for our unique needs (which are certainly different than those of a man, who varies drastically from us biologically).
Most of us have also not been taught how to handle emotions well. How to let go of control. How to honor boundaries from within. And especially not how to embrace stillness.
It’s become soooo uncomfortable and heaven forbid we experience discomfort. Most people distract, run away, freeze, or fight it terribly.
Isn’t that exhausting? It takes so much energggggy.
When instead we can learn how to clear our systems, rebuild, and then let things flow through as they come, instead of just always carrying all the things, all the time, ours and everyone else’s.
I truly believe there has not been a better time to be alive and on this planet. Yes, even with all that’s a mess.
We have learned how to use medicine to our advantage, to get stronger, bigger, healthier, more robust. Now we must pair that with turning back to our natural side and ancient wisdom.
Both are valid, both are needed, and one tends to be desperately missing. The one where we look at our health as a whole being system and use nature to unlock its answers and connect back to our rhythms.
Now is our time. Now is your time.
Let’s step fully into our feminine essence –
embracing deeply rewarding pleasure, embracing our deep appetites, unlocking our energy bodies, freeing our minds from other’s expectations, knowing what’s ours to carry and releasing what isn’t, living deeply sensual and nourishing lives tuned into our natures, feeding ourselves with whole food and truly bioavailable nutrients, lavishing ourselves with love and appreciation, and tapping into a juicy, turned on system and embodiment in life.
I’m ready! Who’s with me?
And then, yes, later, if we want to talk more about breathgasms we can 😉 But I promise you once we address all of this, the feelings those ‘end results’ provide will simply become a part of your existence.
If any of the above resonates, I am here for you.
Sometimes when our systems are completely maxed, doing the work to change this feels even more exhausting.
That’s where I come in. We all need the voices in our head that build these parts of ourselves up, especially if they’re not the ones we grew up with or have been surrounded by.
I am honored to be that voice for many women, while they are building their community through a new sense of self. It’s everything I’ve devoted my life’s work to.
From energy healing sessions, to group yoga classes, seasonal workshops, spiritual retreats in sacred places, women’s health & nutrition, boundaries work, and using my psychic gifts to help others pinpoint exactly the spot they’re hoping to get at, so they don’t have to waste energy trying to do so.
Take a look around, you’re welcome here.
And let me know what resonates most for you, where you’re feeling stuck, or what stage you’re at.
We are the daughters, sisters, mothers and healers – we all need each other. We get to take what we’ve learned and give a hand to the person who’s next. This is me extending that hand to you…
Ps – I love MEN! I really do. I love being a woman, and I love being in a world where there are men. I work primarily with women though, as I feel it’s the source of the sacred and where my gifts are in abundance. I truly believe if we start to heal these parts of our women, our men will be given space to heal as well. A wise woman once shared “men really just need a safe space to land” and I believe when we give women the above, they can become that safe space – happily and with ease.
pps. – as mentioned above, I have garnered so much wisdom (that has helped me formulate a lot of what was surfacing for me) from listening to the Fully Nourished Podcast by Jessica Ash. I definitely recommned checking her out!
Interested in working with me?
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Customized energy healing sessions tailored to your unique goals, experience, and needs. We address and assess the energy sinks in your life and help to shift them, while building a new foundation for sustainable good energy with practical tools to support you.
Enjoy a warm, tantalizing cup of cacao while we pull oracle cards (insights & guidance into your most pressing questions and concerns). Then let me guide you into a deep journey – to release, manifest, and align your energy with this new awareness.
Join us under the Big Sky for an immersive yoga & wild feminine experience, connecting to the land, the elements, tending to our hearts and womb space, and enjoying nourishing sensory experiences amongst other rad & supportive women.