August 16, 2019
Selfcare, Astrology & Intuition as a Mama
August 16, 2019
Selfcare, Astrology & Intuition as a Mama
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I haven’t written on here in quite some time!

Honestly I was going to write all of this in an Instagram post and it just didn’t give me the breadth I needed.

I want to chime in about a few things I’m reminded this week.  Monday was my 33rd birthday. I had just spent the week guiding my first ever overnight retreat. I’m now on call for a birth as a doula. And in 2-3 more weeks I am opening Our Yoga, a family yoga studio, along with my business partner Becca. 

Lots to celebrate! But also a decent amount of stress.

On the night of my birthday, Squeaks started to develop a fever. This has been her tendency. She really doesn’t get sick much aside from spiking high fevers (like 104/105) for 4-5 days at a time accompanied with very swollen glands. It’s never strep, her ears are always great, and there are literally no other symptoms. It’s always so hard to see her so miserable.

Selfcare

The night after my birthday, I had a plan to go to the hot springs with a couple of my best girlfriends. I had to tear myself away from Squeak as she really didn’t want me to leave and she was obviously struggling. But alas she was with Dave and I knew I needed to refuel as well.

Here’s the thing though: I felt guilty. Seriously I was sitting there trying to enjoy myself and instead I just felt bad.

It reminded me that the practice of selfcare doesn’t necessarily get easier. Overall, yes now I have more time and space for myself. But prioritizing our needs still takes time and effort and the decision to put ourselves forward. I sat there, in a hot springs, getting a neck massage from a friend, sitting in the sunshine, and it hit me – why am I sitting here feeling guilty and wondering if I’m a horrible mom when I damn well know I should allow myself to receive. That I’d spend the rest of the week give, give, giving as Dave went back to work and I’d be with Squeak 24/7.

Astrology

That night I got home and revisited her birth chart. I actually read when she was a baby that she would be prone to high fevers, sensitive Pisces that she is. Reading her chart affirmed so much for me. That she would instantly take or not take to the energy of those around her, being such a strong natural empath. And also that she would need to be held. A lot. Especially as a toddler and at night. I’ve spent way too much time beating myself up for all the cuddles and coddling at bedtime. She ends up in our bed or we end up in hers a lot of the time. And this reminded to me stop the struggle. I do need a lot of space when I sleep. But I also adore her cuddles. And what she needs is connection, is tenderness, is a way to release energy that involves physical touch. There’s always a balance.

The unknown and asking for help

I spent a bit of time that night also terrified – it is so freaking hard to feel out of control and have to surrender. I wonder if something is really wrong? Why does this keep happening?

A couple days later and now I realize the supplements my intuition and research told me to give her helped. This time her fever was way less intense for so long. And later today we will go to see a new naturopath, just to be sure we’re doing everything right and not missing anything. What’s more important than the health of your child?

I always tell moms in prenatal – we know far more than we think we do in terms of our bodies and our child’s needs. Most of the time we just need to slow down and be willing to listen. 

And if we don’t know, then that’s where we ask for help! We must turn to those we trust and let them guide us in the ways we need. For me, that is 

  •  friends who nurture me even when I’m struggling to be chill 
  • astrology that always reminds me there is a bigger picture (and I could stand to be a little less hyper focused)
  • and an ability to reach out and ask for help in new ways.

We’re all here to support each other. I’ve found when we’re real with our own struggles, and open about that (to people we trust), people rush in to hold the space for us. Life is never so alone as we tend to make it out to be in our heads.

So my practice this week is the same I’m encouraging all of you:

Notice where you’ve been prioritizing others over the needs of yourself. How can you step it up and stop any negative self talk that you’re not deserving enough?

Look into astrology for you and your little! Seriously I always learn so much. Google. Buy Linda Goodman’s ‘Sun Signs’. Or leave a comment here and I’ll try to point you in the right direction!

Remember to ask for help. To trust your intuition, and when that intuition says go to this person, give your daughter more hugs, or try a new doc – don’t second guess, just go with it.

You’ve got this, mama (said to myself as much to anyone else ;))!

The other night, just before bed, right when I was hoping to have a little bit of space and time for myself, my daughter came out of her room and was pretty upset, and offloaded all the things that were majorly stressing her out. From overhearing about a pilot dying from a local wildfire, to friendship and social dynamics, and a petty crime that happened to our friends.

She needed to offload majorly. And as much as my own nervous system was needing some time for myself, my heart cracked a bit wide-open for her. I could tell it was an important parenting moment to show up for her, to remind her what’s hers to carry, and know how to not hold it all in our bodies and systems.

I’ve been there before. I know how we can put all of our anxieties and worries at bay until just before bed, or while we’re sleeping, and they want to creep in and finally have a space to process when we’re in a safe space.

That processing space is so fundamental to our health and if we push it aside, it will only grow into a mighty roar. And can eventually grow so much and a part of us that we don’t even know what it is to feel safe and calm in our bodies.

The very first thing I made sure to emphasize to her is that right here right now, we are safe.

We are safe.

In this house, in this moment, all our needs are provided for, and we are safe. We talked through the other anxieties and I let her know that our friends are safe and that they are OK too. I saw her nod and instantly start to feel better.

I also shared how we are exposed nowadays to more in one year than our great grandmothers were in their entire lifetimes.

That’s it’s easy to feel overly responsible for a lot of it (and it’s good to care), but that it’s important we don’t carry it all, all the time and we have to find ways to release the heaviness and the worry.

I could feel her whole system take that in and begin to release.

A couple of days later, I was sharing this with a girlfriend, wondering if I shared too much with my daughter. I try to be pretty honest and not hide life and death and all in between, when it arises, and without going overboard (we don’t watch the news in my household but she still gets exposed to life). And my friend said, honestly, I wish someone had had that conversation with me when I was younger. I still need to have that conversation with myself.

What my work in this world really comes down to is helping us to feel safe & held within ourselves.

Once we have the inner resources to access a place of safety and calm within, we know it’s possible, we cannot only have deeply meaningful spiritual experiences,  but we can feel more joy, ease and contentment in our day-to-day. We can be better resourced to get through the shaky, the lows, the tense, the scary, the overwhelming.

And as we head into a year, that will be fraught with plenty of worry or anxiety over the state of the world & our country, it almost feels like a radical act to tend to ourselves deeply. But it is called upon as much as ever.

In the end, I’m so thankful that my daughter can come to me to share her grievances before she goes to bed. And I can help her learn how to regulate her nervous system, offload stress, and have tools for when the heaviness of the world feels so much.

And even though she doesn’t always want to listen to what I have to say, or use the tools I offer her, I know she’s learning and at least she has access to them. And hey, the next night she actually did a whole somatic nervous system offload practice with me and deeply enjoyed it! We just have to keep showing up for ourselves and know it’s benefitting all those in our world.

And let me end by sharing the words I shared with her – “Right here, right now – you are safe. Take in your home, know that your family is safe. Know that your home is safe and protected, you are cared for and in this moment: It’s OK to relax & let the rest go.

Sidenote: I know not everyone is safe and my heart breaks for them. But focusing on what’s out of our control, robbing our systems of nourishment, means we have less energy to show up and support those who need it the most. It’s not selfish to care for yourself knowing others suffer, it’s self – ish. It just means we’ll have more clarity, insight, and lasting energy to tend to those who can’t tend to themselves, and we’ll be pouring from a more overflowing cup instead of a drained and empty one.

If you want more support in this, read below:

Jess with Cacao Ceremony

Receive nervous system offloading practices from me on the regular, for deep release & maintenance:

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Get my ebook, Unveiling Intuition: A Journey to Uncover Your Magic

This guide shares the fundamentals of understanding how to make deep, lasting change in all parts of ourselves, how to access our inner magic, and how to go beyond limiting beliefs, thoughts and actions to find what truly serves us. It allows us to create a foundation for our spiritual and stress relieving practices.

Jess with Cacao Ceremony

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