What do you think of when you think of the word feminine?

To me, what initially comes up is ‘made up’, curled hair, appeasing to the men around them, nails done, dressed in skirts or such, making lovely meals.

And while none of this is wrong – that is ABSOLUTELY not feminine. That is a masculinized version of what feminine is.

Masculine is the structure. Feminine is the space between. Masculine is the known. Feminine is the unknown. Masculine is the action, it’s a giving and outputting, yang energy. The feminine is a receiving, yin energy (think of our biology, it doesn’t get more simple than that). Masculine is knowing and take charge. Feminine is surrender and mystery, the void.

Ideally all of us have both our inner masculine and inner feminine able to access all of these aspects.

It’s also why a lot of people trash the masculine, but toxic masculine and healthy masculine are two extremely different aspects – one is disgusting and nasty (overbearing, condescending, ‘taking’), healthy masculine (protective, space holding, supportive) is to be revered, appreciated, held sacred.

But it’s a shame that when most people think of being in their feminine, they’re actually in their masculine (if you have to ‘do something’ to be in your feminine ie curl your hair or wear a dress, please others, that’s not feminine – feminine just is, it’s noticing, receiving, being).

And don’t get me wrong, anything that makes me feel more sensual also helps me to access my feminine. I do love to wear make up and put on nice materials and sleep in sumptuous sheets, but all of those are just space holders for me to access that softer part of myself (also, when did ‘soft’ become bad bc that is total BS!).

Do you have spaces in your life where you feel like you can truly, deeply receive & be soft, with nothing expected in return except acceptance, devotion and appreciation?

The feminine also needs stability and safety. We are cyclical, ever changing. Men’s cycles reset every 24 hours. They are a lot more like clockwork, and have a lot less going on internally (at least physically), which makes them better adapted for handling stressors and change. Women however – our cycles reset every ~28 days (yes, even if you’re no longer ‘cycling’).

Because of women’s constant ebbs and flows, dips and crests, our systems badly need STABILITY & SAFETY.

Something to lean upon so we can feel safe enough to go through our motions, our cycles, our emotions (for more on this work, please see the work of Jessica Ash Wellness – her insights are a godsend to me and so many!).

This is why it’s so incredibly important for us to find a sense of stability and safety in our lives. Here are some ways we can find that:

• partnership – goddess bless a healthy masculine that stays strong and allows us to ebb & flow and create magic!
• healthy routine – our body thrives when it knows what to expect for things like sleep, food, movement
• strong friendships and community – we can feel safe and held so deeply this way
• stable blood sugar – it is shocking how much anxiety is actually just blood sugar crashes and crazy ups and downs. We need steady, constant, eating protein and healthy fats, eating regularly – so that we are nourished and our systems feel steady and supported. If you deal with hormonal issues, mood swings, anxiety, racing thoughts in the middle of the night – and you are skipping meals, not eating enough, or not getting healthy fat and protein (esp before caffeine) – change that and watch your life begin to change
• experiencing deep connection to our parasympathetic nervous system – a place where we are nourished, can respond, are rested, at ease, and it feels lasting and comfortable – this is where all healing happens and can be harder to access then we realize
• true relaxation – similar to above. Just watching TV or having a beer at the end of a day is not truly moving us into rest & digest. We need places where we anchor into the core of who we are and access our inner peace
• doing deep energetic (or physical) cleansing and release – we have to find ways to deeply release all we’re carrying, so that we can have the capacity to actually feel more at ease, and welcome in a new sense of being at home and at peace
• cutting out things that make us feel reactive, shitty, second guess ourselves, and pull us out of our center – similar to above but getting out of situations where we have to essentially leave our body & inner knowing in order to create external peace. No MORE of that!
• learning what it is to feel true acceptance, inner peace, and ease

This is part of why I love retreats so much –  they offer us all of the above (or at least the ones I offer do!).

My retreats are a mix of big space holding, reverent community, deep energetic releases, connecting deeply to intuition to move forward in a more guided and authentic way to who we are now (not 5 months ago or 5 years ago or who we think we should be in the future).

They’re a chance to show up and receive deeply – no logistics to plan once you get there, no meals or dishes to be made, nourishing, healthy food served to you (our chefs are often males and I freaking love this – yes, goddess, receive!). This allows so much spaciousness for you to do all of the above and get clear how to carry it forward.

There was so much powerful feedback from last year’s Guatemala retreat, but this line was one of my favorites:

“I was way less annoyed with my daily life upon coming back.”

Can I get an amen?

But I know retreats aren’t always an option for every stage of life we’re at. So as much as I’d love for you to join one of my retreats, and I trust you will when you’re ready, know you can also get this retreat energy going in so many different ways (so don’t let accessiblity hold you back!):

• join a weekly yoga class, something consistent that just feels good to go to, allows you to connect to your breath, receive energy, go inward, & start to make community with it (hello my Wednesday Chakra Flow class at Your Yoga Bozeman – love y’all!)
• put 3 hours a month in your calendar for you to do you – a hike, a spa sesh, at home alone time to journal. make it reflective
• let your partner know exactly what you need to receive & what you’re craving to feel supported, be specific!
• plan a quarterly or annual gathering with friends to get witchy and intentional and have fun!
• practice nervous system resets (more below!)
• make meal time easier buy hiring a local meal delivery service (I adore Whole & Nourished in Bozeman and was Heather’s doula!) or going out to enjoy your favorite restaurant, no phone, with a friend, and make it a sensory experience
• go for walks with non-judgemental friends and talk about your problems regularly (this is shown to enhance brain health better than a lot of meds!)

You get the picture!!!

What comes up for you?

Where are the spaces in your life you feel you receive the most unconditional acceptance? And can just be?

What do you put into place (masculine) so that you can regularly be in a space of receiving (feminine)?

Do you feel you are in one energy more than the other? How could that be more balanced? Try feeling into it versus overthinking it!

This past weekend’s Nervous System Reset workshop was so beautiful. I’ve only offered this twice, but already it feels like a game changer. So, so needed. And really is the combination of so many years of doing this work and condensing it into something we all so badly need, and regularly!

We’ve had requests for doing this monthly (I love how many people were repeaters!), and I agree (at least until it’s summer and then we’re all outside nourishing our nervous system with bare feet and sunshine). Thank you to all 30 participants who showed up!

If you’re in Bozeman want to join the next one, click here to join the waitlist. 

I was also thinking this would be a beautiful offering to do one on one, virtually, or for team building. So if that sparks your interest, let’s talk! (And I’ll of course incorporate it into my retreats).

ps – I’m finally re-inspired to finish my boundaries ebook. I’m realizing now the missing element was incorporating the nervous system into it! I’ll be releasing it soon. In the meantime, if there’s something you’d love to know more about when it comes to the nervous system, healthy boundaries, and practical ways to apply them, please comment below or email me! hi@jessicaenergy.com and let me know!!!